Confessions of a Suburban Murderess

Weeds. Not People. Let’s just get that settled straight away.

I have these weeds. They plague me. I spend hours plotting their demise. They have deep, strong, hardy roots, and grow up from underneath the old concrete of our driveway. I dig, I pull. I cannot get the roots up. I cut them back and they sprout like hydras. It’s obscene.

I’m loathe to use commercial weed killers because of the kiddo and the dogs and the healthy shrubs and perennials I have on the property, so I called my old friend, the internets, to find a home remedy for the problem. After a few sites, I managed to cobble together a rudimentary understanding of the remedy.

Here’s what I made*: 1 T. strong spirits (gin, preferably, though I didn’t have any, so I used vodka), 1 T cider vinegar, & 1 T dish soap in a 16 oz. spray bottle. Top off with hot water. I would not use this is in a broad application. It kills indiscriminately from what I’ve read. Also, you would need gallons. It’s not super concentrated.

I cut back the foliage of these nasty, invasive chard like weeds so that the stalks were raw, and then I sprayed the bejeezus out of them, right up in their faces, so to speak. I am optimistic that they won’t come back this time.

Mwah ah ah ah….

*Hello, fine print! I am not a chemist, a horticulturist, or even an avid gardener. I cannot be held responsible for you trying what I did and deriving unacceptable results. I’m just sharing what worked for me. Then again, it hasn’t worked yet. I’ll get back to you on that…

One response to “Confessions of a Suburban Murderess

  1. tee hee.
    funny girl

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