Sometimes knowing you’re capable of doing something is the biggest obstacle.
Eleven years ago, feeling out of shape and unhappy with my body, knowing my emotional eating was out of control, I took myself to a Weight Watchers meeting. I got on the scale and nearly passed out in horror, but when the stars receded from my vision, I pushed blindly ahead. Determined, blissfully ignorant.
I lost 70 pounds in two years.
I had no idea what I could do, so there were no expectations. I just did what I needed to do. I was young, single, making enough money to live pretty well. Success came easily. I joined a gym; I had time to go to the gym, three or four times a week. I started practicing yoga. I packed lunches, I carried a water bottle with me on the Subway. I walked everywhere.
Flash forward to now. I’m working 50 plus hours a week just to cover expenses. I got married, had a baby, moved from the walking-friendly urban outlying community to the drive-everywhere suburb. I don’t like my job, and I’m frustrated by a lot of things in my life, and the emotional eating has crept back up on me.
Recently, I went back to a Weight Watchers meeting. For probably the sixth time since the initial loss, I went back. I have more to lose now than I did then, and a decade of years working against my metabolism.
And my leader said, “You’ve done it before. You know you can do this.”
And I thought, yeah, I’ve done it before. I know exactly how hard it will be. Eleven years ago, I had no idea how hard it would be, so I just plunged in.
So much in my life is difficult right now, adding another layer of struggle seems crazy. But, last year I lost 20 pounds, so I’m on a downward trend. It seems like just the time to give the snowball a push, let it roll. Maybe try to make it less about struggle and difficulty and more about embracing what makes me happier.
Feeling good in my jeans makes me happier. Horsing around with Felix and not being winded makes me happier. Feeling in control of my emotional reactions makes me happier. Hell, playing on my WiiFit makes me happier.
Sometimes knowing you’re capable of doing something is the biggest obstacle. At which point you have to say, “Get the hell out of your own way!”
So, it’s not going to be about recreating the loss from eleven years ago. It’s going to be about reclaiming myself and my joy.
I’ll make a detour, go around the obstacle, look back at it, and say, “You’re behind me now.”
Or so I hope.