The Myth of You and Me: Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop

This week’s post is a response to Prompt #2: I miss the friend you used to be. (The Myth Of You And Me) It’s certainly not the first time I’ve blogged about this friendship. I can’t imagine it will be the last.

Mama's Losin' It

Once upon a time, there was a tone-deaf jazz afficionado from the Big Easy, a Southern daughter of a Jewish lawyer, a young woman with a heart as big as the Gulf, with laughter and appetite enough to swallow up a New Englander like me.

That young woman took herself off into the heart of Vermont. I met her as Autumn snapped cool, and she shivered.

Wait ’til it snows, we said. She was undaunted.

She could roar, laugh, drink, dance, write, and love with reckless abandon. Her secret self? Tender and vulnerable. Loyal to the point of fierceness.

Once upon a time she was my friend. Once upon a time she was my college roommate.

She moved to Spain a few years after graduation, to study Spanish literature, theatre, and poetry. She taught English at night to pay the bills. She married one of her students, who picked up and relocated to the States with her when it was time for her to go (And yes, it was far more complicated than that, but the real process? Sounds less mythic and romantic.). She was that magnetic.

I hope she still is.

But I don’t know. Because she has shut me out of her life, away from her light. For a long while, I wondered about what I had–or had not–done to lose her. Now that I am more sure that I did nothing explicitly wrong, I actually worry more. Why have we all been cast adrift–those of us who all love her?

Ten years ago, I imagined us getting together with our families, introducing our children to one another. They were, I suppose, the naive daydreams of a 23 year old who can’t imagine that all of her friendships won’t survive.

Now? I dream of her, and the dreams always end with her warm embrace, unforgotten by my subconscious.

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25 responses to “The Myth of You and Me: Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop

  1. Aww.. that’s soo sad that she shut you out of her life.. 😦 Stopped in from Mama Kat’s.

  2. Very sad and I can definitely sympathise. Have you contacted her lately to tell her you miss her? I’d wonder if she knows. Surely she does but perhaps a nudge might push her over the edge and back into your arms.

  3. So we share this also,as I,too have a friend who has disappeared and only lives as a sweet memory in my heart.

    • Ah, but what a gracious example you set. Should she come back to me? I’ll know just how to welcome her back.

      Also? way to come out of lurking, Mom!

  4. That’s so sad. It makes me wonder if people realize how hurtful it is to cut someone out of your life, if it’s a conscious decision or if it’s just inattention and apathy.

    I honestly don’t know which is worse.

    • Given our history, I think she has to know how much this hurts. I even think she cares. I just wish she would explain.
      Or maybe I don’t…

  5. It happens in everyones life at some point or the other…I can understand what you feel.
    Thanks for sharing!

    http://dwivedi2326.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-miss-friend-you-use-to-be.html

  6. I can understand where you are coming from. I have college friends who I only know now through Facebook. I see their wedding and baby pics, but we never see each other or talk. Kinda sad.

    • I *wish* I could connect with her on Facebook, but she’s not there. No one we knew knows why she’s gone dark these last few years. Instead of being comforted that I’m not the only one who’s lost her? I’m more worried. It’s a negative feedback loop. I guess.

  7. It’s hard when we lose friends. I always try to tell myself Reason, Season, Lifetime….but it’s not all that comforting.

  8. Such a hard hard thing. I know the feeling. It’s a rough road when you can’t get closure.

    Have I ever mentioned that OMG if you ever get published I will be not only buying your books and reading them but I will promote the hell out of you. You can write like a sunufagun! Good heavens!

  9. Hi, This makes me think: did you ever ask her? Just curious. Do you think it’s personal, or just that her life is way out of control?

    I know that’s the case with me: I have too much going on, no time for extra.

    Just that I’m guilty of what you write here.

    • I’ve tried to ask her a number of times. Messages, post cards, Christmas cards, emails… but she lives 2000 miles away from me now, and it’s hard to pin someone down if they live that far away and won’t/can’t reply.

      What concerns me? All of the other people with whom she was close then have also lost her and can’t find her again.

      All we know is that she is still at her place of employment. Because Google is for stalkers.

  10. It’s always hard to sit around wondering.

  11. I can so relate to this post. I had a friend that pulled me in, used me and then left me. That was almost 15 years ago and I still think about her. I still wonder….

    Stopped over from Mama kat’s

  12. I am left a little speechless by this post, and sad. About the only person who has “grayed me out” on Facebook and not responded back at all is the person I was very much in love with in college. Me? I want to be friends with people I have friended/loved FOREVER even when the deal moves from romantic to not. Guess he doesn’t feel the same — even as a nice mature adult I still scratch my head sometimes.

    Wishing you peace of mind….

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